Generation Techy: High School of Today

This poor generation is in for one hell of a ride.  Technology has left them speechless.  Literally.  They communicate through social networking, text messages, twitter, etc.  And yet, when it comes to confrontation...they shy away from it all, and go verbally abuse their friends/enemies via facebook and text messaging.  Luring and bating each other into a quasi-culture of completely uncommitted promises that aren't held accountable.  Emotions are held deep, dark, and secret, vs. putting them out on the table.  Articulating words and sentences has become a four letter word, and writing an actual hand written letter...well...good luck reading it. 
So Teacher's and parents REALLY have their work cut out for them now.  This year I have had the absolute pleasure, and I mean that in all sincerity, of becoming a part of the Lincoln Public School system.  It has been wonderfully satisfying, and the kids are incredible.  I love watching them get excited about being successful, and although there have been significant trials & tribulations thus far, its amazing how much I truly want all of these kids to succeed in their life paths.  HOWEVER, it is SO difficult trying to stress day in and day out COMMUNICATE PLEASE.  Face your problems, deal with them head on and come to a justifiable conclusion/solution.  Don't run from the issues at hand.  Which also lends a helping hand into my own life...and facing everything I am thrown with as much diligence as possible. 
All the while, I do believe it is completely irresponsible for my generation and generations older to completely throw these kids under the bus, and look at their world of technology as completely asinine.  I think its important to understand it, and become a part of it as much as feasibly possible without crossing boundary lines, and help the kids to understand we want to understand them as much as we expect it vice versa. 
My unborn children...oh god...I dread the day they understand their mother and father were born in the 1980s.  How awkward is that conversation going to be...and where in the world will technology take us at that point????

Divorce, Marriage & everything in between

Guilt is a difficult hurdle to overcome.  After going through a divorce, I have finally started to feel like myself again.  The divorce was tough...don't get me wrong...it was excruciating making the choice to leave a man who had been nothing but understanding, loving, and compassionate.  But I also knew that i wasn't happy, which in turn made him as miserable as me.  Yes, it was selfish to go into the marriage wondering if it was right...but I don't regret it.  And if that makes me a selfish woman...so be it.  I don't regret my marriage to Brandon.  I don't regret any of my life learned lessons with him, or loving him enough to know my family, and my needs would never fit into his life.  And as much as it hurt to walk away from him...I can only hope he is happier now because of it. 
But that brings me full circle back to the life I'm living today.  I have been fortunate enough to have my high school sweetheart come back into my adult life and sweep me off my feet all over again.  Last year was a brutally emotional year, and he stood tall beside me through it all.  I have my Grandmother's 100 year old engagement ring on my finger, and am going to wed Marshall on July 14th, 2012.  Not only that, my best friend and I have a new found respect for our friendship and have been through, yet again, a life altering transition only to come out on top of the pile still holding steadfast to our womanhood we are experiencing together.  I have literally turned my career upside down, and am coaching High school sports, subbing full time, and completely immersed into the school system...and I could not be happier. My personal bills are barely paid every month, and I can hardly contribute to Marshall and my house bills, insurance, etc....but the smile is still on my face.  I feel satisfied.  I feel like I'm moving forward.  But I also have this incredible cloud of guilt, clinging to my back....which constantly makes me look behind.  How are you supposed to overcome your guilt of hurting a truly great person, all the while being blessed enough to find an old love in a new stage of my life?  I know planning this wedding should be exciting, but the guilt of being happy is a heavy burden.  Getting past that guilt...well I guess that's just the next obstacle in my life. 

Twisted Honesty

I'm convinced stressful situations deliver the most honest, vulnerable traits in a person. These blips of humanity remain uncovered in dark man holes until the day the bubble bursts, presenting itself by slapping a person in the face screaming, "wake up...here I am...confront me." Some people have the ultimate pleasure of being blessed by these blips one at a time...I however, have been blessed with approximately six...yes...I repeat this...six mind altering stages of life for which I have no explanation, rhyme or reason. I am merely a contestant in the race trying to find the positive finish line...and the lesson hidden underneath all of this murk...I can only pray there is one.
Confrontation...which is a whole other realm of humanity...is something I have always leapt toward, never suspecting the victim I am confronting to be offended by my directness. Confrontation has started the healing path along this crazed amount of life being thrown my way. So many bodies do NOT handle it...sprinting like water droplets on a searing bunsen burner. Even when someone is emotionally melting, bearing every inch of their soul, down on their knees...admitting their adoration & love for all these years...all for a response of..."I have to leave now." Even when confrontation depicts what a friendship truly is, I have come to realize it is a huge part of who I am...and nothing to be ashamed of. I will always confront...no matter how afraid of the truth I really am.
A father once looked at his daughter and smiled saying, " I can't wait for the day I walk you down the aisle." Spending years telling myself I was not the marrying kind...to finally find the man who can put up with all of my egocentricities, a temper that can literally burn, and a tongue not afraid to lash...to realize my family is no longer whole. Now a daughter looks at her father and says, "You're walking away from me...with deliberate ease." Allowing mistakes is one of the toughest tasks I have ever been presented with...honestly I'm not sure any of us will recover from his mistake. But I will be the one left with the pieces...left to clean up his mess created out of complete, selfish satisfaction...something he calls love. All because I am the peacemaker...the rock of his oblivion.
Then of course there is the pride swallowing siege of entering a new domain in search of a career you're so convinced you deserve...while moving from complete security of a home, career, and comfort...to find what? I can not deny that excitement rules all of the logical reasons for not jumping into this new body of water. Spontaneity may be the death of me someday...and that's a solid fact. Failing has never been a fear for me. This is a representation of the wonderful Aries blood running through my veins. What the hell, right? I can always go back to bartending (and probably make better money).
And of course the wedding...planning an event...a party none the less to celebrate the coming of two lives...joined together by a pact more or less...to remain together until the end of their days. I had no idea what "scared" meant until I watched the days begin to fly by toward the countdown of this wedding...our wedding. Don't get me wrong...he is the one for me...I know this with every fiber that makes me whole, especially after confronting and letting go of ties to the past. Especially after talking with him about those ties and watching his emotions come into check, while looking at me and saying, "I knew you had to let go." His understanding of what I am is truly visionary...and I am able to see the woman I am through his eyes...and that is someone remarkable. Will I live up to that vision? I can't predict it...which is the "scary" part of this adventure. But I will take this leap of faith, with or without a father, with or without a best friend, with or without security...with strength and commanding presence.