Twisted Honesty

I'm convinced stressful situations deliver the most honest, vulnerable traits in a person. These blips of humanity remain uncovered in dark man holes until the day the bubble bursts, presenting itself by slapping a person in the face screaming, "wake up...here I am...confront me." Some people have the ultimate pleasure of being blessed by these blips one at a time...I however, have been blessed with approximately six...yes...I repeat this...six mind altering stages of life for which I have no explanation, rhyme or reason. I am merely a contestant in the race trying to find the positive finish line...and the lesson hidden underneath all of this murk...I can only pray there is one.
Confrontation...which is a whole other realm of humanity...is something I have always leapt toward, never suspecting the victim I am confronting to be offended by my directness. Confrontation has started the healing path along this crazed amount of life being thrown my way. So many bodies do NOT handle it...sprinting like water droplets on a searing bunsen burner. Even when someone is emotionally melting, bearing every inch of their soul, down on their knees...admitting their adoration & love for all these years...all for a response of..."I have to leave now." Even when confrontation depicts what a friendship truly is, I have come to realize it is a huge part of who I am...and nothing to be ashamed of. I will always confront...no matter how afraid of the truth I really am.
A father once looked at his daughter and smiled saying, " I can't wait for the day I walk you down the aisle." Spending years telling myself I was not the marrying kind...to finally find the man who can put up with all of my egocentricities, a temper that can literally burn, and a tongue not afraid to lash...to realize my family is no longer whole. Now a daughter looks at her father and says, "You're walking away from me...with deliberate ease." Allowing mistakes is one of the toughest tasks I have ever been presented with...honestly I'm not sure any of us will recover from his mistake. But I will be the one left with the pieces...left to clean up his mess created out of complete, selfish satisfaction...something he calls love. All because I am the peacemaker...the rock of his oblivion.
Then of course there is the pride swallowing siege of entering a new domain in search of a career you're so convinced you deserve...while moving from complete security of a home, career, and comfort...to find what? I can not deny that excitement rules all of the logical reasons for not jumping into this new body of water. Spontaneity may be the death of me someday...and that's a solid fact. Failing has never been a fear for me. This is a representation of the wonderful Aries blood running through my veins. What the hell, right? I can always go back to bartending (and probably make better money).
And of course the wedding...planning an event...a party none the less to celebrate the coming of two lives...joined together by a pact more or less...to remain together until the end of their days. I had no idea what "scared" meant until I watched the days begin to fly by toward the countdown of this wedding...our wedding. Don't get me wrong...he is the one for me...I know this with every fiber that makes me whole, especially after confronting and letting go of ties to the past. Especially after talking with him about those ties and watching his emotions come into check, while looking at me and saying, "I knew you had to let go." His understanding of what I am is truly visionary...and I am able to see the woman I am through his eyes...and that is someone remarkable. Will I live up to that vision? I can't predict it...which is the "scary" part of this adventure. But I will take this leap of faith, with or without a father, with or without a best friend, with or without security...with strength and commanding presence.